Toxic society, real friends and groundless rumour - Part 3

Various people I know and love, from best friends to family members, are privileged in their ways, with this factor facilitating varying outcomes. At times, privilege can be a benefit to individuals and society. Other times, it can lead to significant problems. Ultimately, consideration to different people helps to reveal the potential implications of the so-called highlife.

My best friends and I have grown up in somewhat similar environments, with key differences. Along these lines, I mostly grew up with Chinese-Indonesian kids in the context of an international school. Our school was academically rigorous, and so my best friends tend to be hard-working and ambitious. However, it was also a relatively expensive school with many students' parents adding pressures, seeking to validate the cost of tuition.

So, it's normal to see some students who display entitlement in annoying ways, whether it is acting as though they have already lived a life of accomplishment or otherwise seeking to demonstrate largely unearned superiority.

Admittedly even now that we aren't in high school anymore, this behavior and attitude are still being carried. It's no surprise to know a handful of people who are capable of demonstrating a lacking perspective about the world, despite going to an international school.

Although I like meeting new people and making new friends. I've come to realize that I like to keep my circle small. Knowing that I have a trusted and reliable group of friends is essential and a necessity. Our friendship is built on honesty, trust, and openness. We're straightforward to each other, and the truth is never sugar-coated.

Although we don't live in the same city and we only get to meet twice, or three times a year, we'll always be a family, and we’ll continue to preserve that bond despite what life throws at us. I think that's an underrated component in having a good friendship, which is to always go back to your roots because they know you the most. That in the face of adversity, they continue to be the ones holding you up on the pedestal.

A brief description of my best friends is that they are highly ambitious and diligent. For instance, my best friends (names are changed), Michelle, loves animals she has also done volunteer work at an animal sanctuary and strives to become a veterinarian; Briana, has typically demonstrated selfless traits and now she studies medicine in the hopes of helping others.

Another great friend, Taylor, has always been obsessed with artsy movies and has decided to study film to become a producer; Kylie has been inspired by her studies in History and Modern United Nations to study international relations, and Diandra is especially inquisitive and now studies psychology. Their interests and passions can translate into tangibly positive outcomes in their lives as well as the lives of others.

When everyone comes back home to Jakarta from their studies, we would have lunch together walk around the mall and window shop for a while then have hop to a different mall to have coffee and cake. Or on a Saturday night, we'll eat at Akira Back, pregame at someone's house or at a bar, then go to a club.

Our weekend activities depend on our moods, and to be truthful more often than not, we would instead go to a friend's house and just chill for hours and hours. When we don't feel like dressing and want to have a casual night in, we'll play Nintendo switch, cook dinner or order takeaways, drink wine and play card games. We're not picky, and we like to have a balance of both living like the world is our oyster or have a dull yet fun day together.

Even though my best friends and I can be seen as living the high life, we all deal with problems in our personal lives. For instance, Briana has had a challenging relationship with her parents; her parents' marriage has taken a turn, and she doesn't have the best relationship with her brother, Taylor's father was imprisoned on a phony charge: linked to a friend who had drugs and was using them, and personally, I have faced a lot of struggles with anxiety, and I too have obviously made a lot of mistakes. Any of us may appear to be doing well on Instagram, we post videos and pictures of us having fun, seeing the world, and it seems like it's always filled with laughter. But the reality behind the scene can be much more complicated. In this light, I think it's overly simplistic to presume that we have it all.

Of course, living in this socioeconomic privilege can lead people to live in a bubble, so to speak. I've noticed that in my world, people can be obsessed with status. This socioeconomic privilege may create a culture of presenting oneself as successful, amiable, and caring—traits that are valued on the surface—but factors such as competitiveness that are inherent to status can bring the worst out of people.

I have learned to be cautious about trusting others. Fake people seem to be especially prevalent in cultures where status has elevated importance. However, talking from experience and seeing some of these instances play out in my life and my friends' life.

I think it's possible to learn how to spot fake people. For example, there is an old adage that actions speak louder than words, and I believe it generally holds true. Along these lines, when my friends and I are going through any difficulties, it is often rather easy to discern who is genuinely caring.

Fake people are more likely to offer words of encouragement, usually in the form of platitudes, whereas real friends will literally and figuratively be there for others. Given how the pursuit of status means rising above others, fake people will often be opportunistic about putting another person down, in the process seeking to make themselves look comparatively superior.

Real friends don't engage in these types of behaviors, seeking to elevate others rather than bring them down, talking them up rather than talking behind their backs. They celebrate you for your successes and aren't envious of you.

Real friends will tell you you're wrong when you've made a mistake; instead of judgment, they'll advise you and help you do what's right not only for your own good but for the sake of others. Once you find genuine and respectful people in your life, keep them. Because these kinds of people are rare, and they are the ones you want to build a lifelong relationship with.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, there are also considerable disadvantages to this so-called privilege. When people are used to this upbringing and are greatly influenced by the people around them, they can become fixated on superficialities. I notice this in my mom's friend group.

My mom's friends come from different cultures but have one thing in common: there is nothing simple about them. They like to hang out at cafés and restaurants. Their favorite hangout spot is at my mom's friend café at Hang Lekir, and even during relaxed hangouts, you will never see them underdressed.

The gossips are quite rich, and nothing is a secret in mom’s friends' circle. Perhaps one of the things that may never change about women is their love for gossips. They like to share it and get it as well. From my point of view, one might argue that the quality of the scandals increases with the wealthy status of the women.

One time, a couple of friends are talking business and complimenting each other, and the next, they are revealing the darkest of secrets of their fellows. Those who wear fake branded clothes and carry fake branded bags are often known, and their secrets revealed. Behind their backs, of course. Keeping up with this circle of friends can be tedious and highly challenging, and a woman has to do what she has to do to fit in and stay in the circle.

Almost all the friends know about the marriage or love life of each one of them. While some such stories are normal, others are out of the ordinary. While listening to some of the gossips, I wonder whether it is a true friendship circle. It seems as if they find joy in revealing and knowing of their friends' struggles and life problems.

One of the women's stories is known among the public eye. She has quite the disastrous love life and had been married for over ten years to a man who has a mistress. The lady once caught her husband with the mistress in a hotel. Her life seems quite complicated and challenging, but she walks with her head held high, and her face bearing the softest of smiles.

Rumour has it that despite everything that man has put her through, she is not even considering divorce due to shame and family embarrassments that she would have to endure.

There was a time in her regular gossips I heard of a short story regarding a close family friend's daughter in law. She told her friends that she thought the daughter in law had committed suicide, but according to my mom's account. The father of the son never agreed on the marriage, but because they conceived a child before marriage, the father had no other choice but to approve on their marriage. The marriage became messy, she irresponsibly spends money on partying every week and brought disrespect to the family.

Long story short, she passed away. Many speculated that her death wasn't an accident. However, many people also believed that there was no way the husband's parents would do such horrible deed because they were genuinely nice people. On the other hand, rumour has it that she could have committed suicide. While the truth is known among friends and family, outsiders know of a different narrative.

When I heard this story, I was so emotional and wondered about how some of these people would rather seek out validation rather than honouring truth and showing integrity. One thing that stood out during this conversation with my mom was when she said, "They don't want the truth to come out because they need to keep a clean image; they have to uphold their reputation all because of their family name.”

I understood where she was coming from. Yet it still baffles me to even understand how a lot of us would put on a fake act and not honor integrity and honesty. however, know that my small family is not perfect as well, and I have family secrets to keep too.

I recognise that I live amongst people who privilege. However, privilege should not always be a pejorative. It can be beneficial to many people from all types of backgrounds. However, it can have pitfalls as well. I am especially grateful that I have been able to know so many people who have used their economic standing for the greater good, underscoring the potential benefits of the high-end life as well as troubling effects such as superficiality that should be actively avoided.