Does online dating strengthen human connection during the new normal?

Image: Tinder

The ongoing pandemic has brought a number of changes to the everyday lives of billions of people in just six months. It raises questions on things that were used to be the living norms in the society, from the efficiency of the modern office work and the effectiveness of the government’s schemes in facing crisis to how to practice modern dating.

Dating is a very hot topic in Indonesia that the brand “Tinder” has become a part of daily vocabularies. Having about 6 million users worldwide, Tinder is one of the most sought after dating applications everywhere, including Indonesia. In the midst of this crisis, the swipe dating pioneer did not back away.

Starting May, Tinder users in Indonesia can enjoy the latest selfie verification feature for safer dating experience. Five days ago, the dating app announced on press release it is going to launch social discovery feature called #BisaBareng where users can match with people based on hobbies and passion.

Releasing this update when the world is facing a pandemic might be a good step, with countless people having to stay in quarantine for almost two months. In the past, the chance of meeting someone new during a global crisis was barely there, but thanks to technology, it is now within reach.

Tinder’s latest security update also helps make users’ online dating experience, hopefully, genuine. However, how fulfilling is this new normal dating culture, really?

“During the large-scale social restriction period, there was a surge of new users who are there just to entertain themselves,” said Zolla (28) when we were talking about the online dating climate during the pandemic. Apparently, a lot of people turned to dating applications out of loneliness and the urge to reach out to others.

Most of the users she matched with claimed to have the urge to build connection by chatting and sharing what is going on with each other’s lives. For Zolla, this is a positive turning point in the local online dating culture. “It’s fun to play dating applications during this time. You can meet new people to share your thoughts with.”

Anggita (25) is probably one of the users Zolla talked about; the ones who are looking for new friends to chat. “Since I don’t play to find any romantic interest, I don’t really talk too deeply with others. I mainly talk about hobby and work, never about family or relationship,” she said.

Anggita shared how she usually builds friendship with her matches based on their mutual hobbies, like vinyl. “Before the pandemic, we’d meet up and chat over vinyl, introducing each other to other vinyl-loving friends and ended up becoming friends. But during this time, we only chat. It’s pretty boring.”

Gavin (26) shares Anggita’s sentiment on the idea of online dating during this crisis. “It was boring,” he said. Unlike Zolla, Gavin found the conversation he had to be hard to keep him interested. He also didn’t see the urge to keep doing it since it would be difficult to physically meet up anyway. “I don’t know why, but physically meeting someone outside of dating applications feels more genuine to me.”

However, not being able to meet has its own perks in Emanuela’s (28) opinion. In her perspective, due to the current condition, online dating is the best option to date. It also comes with the risk of limiting yourself on what you can do together, which might only be phone calls, video calls and texts.

“However, it might be thrilling and challenging at the same time,” she quipped. It might not be everyone’s favourite way to endure longing, but there is also a chance that the old saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” might be true after all.

This might be proven right by Anastasia (28), who just started seeing someone she met on a dating application. They’ve met physically in February and March, but now they have to endure a long-distance relationship. While she finds the situation challenging, there are also things they experienced that turn out to be strengthening their relationship. “This situation pushes our creativity to spend time together in distance.”

From idly accompanying each other during their own daily activities via video call to watching the same YouTube videos together, Anastasia and her significant other began to learn about each other even when they are not at their best. He was there when she grew frustrated of the situation and she is there to support him to do things that he loves. “We check on each other more often and support and learn about each other better.”

At this point, the quality of dating during a pandemic would depend on what one is looking for in dating. There is absolutely no shame in reaching out for human contacts during this trying time or to cherish what you have. The most important thing is, still, to maintain both physical and mental well-being and obey health protocols in every single activity during this new normal era. There really is no point in dating if you cannot date anyway.