Look into the perspective of love services customers

Written by Tentry Yudvi | Read in Indonesian

Love services are gaining traction on social media, starting from boyfriend/girlfriend rental services and sleep calls to cuddle services.

There are many reasons why people are interested in using these love services, ranging from curiosity to dealing with loneliness. Out of curiosity, TFR interviewed two people who had ordered one of these love services.

First, TFR spoke with Melati (pseudonym) who used a sleep call service because it is a new concept in Indonesia. “Actually, I've been interested for a long time because I am a fan of Japanese anime. From there, I know that services for lonely people are very familiar. In Indonesia there is one and it makes me curious, because Indonesian culture is different from Japan," she said.

Melati said she got a reference about this love service from a friend. She then purchased the service for Rp35,000 per day, got short messages and sleep call services. When entering the love service options menu, Melati was amazed because there were several references, starting from the boyfriend/girlfriend persona to chat/sleep call service options.

“I didn't expect anything. When I tried it, it really looked like you had a boyfriend. He messaged you like your boyfriend would do. The boyfriend I was trying out has another job, he sent the messages when he had time. You can also choose the boyfriend’s persona, [whether it’s] bad boy, soft, etc," she explained.

Naturally, Melati felt like she had an online lover when she used this love service. This is just the experience of online services, now how about the experience of those who rented partners offline?

Agi (pseudonym), who once hired an offline boyfriend, admitted that when she rented the service, she felt like she had a new date with whom she could chat and eat together–although she said that it was not like what she had imagined.

Agi used the offline boyfriend service because she felt that she didn't have the ability to send messages properly, so renting a boyfriend was enough for her to satisfy her curiosity.

“I felt that meeting offline was better than chatting. Because I felt like I haven't gone out with a guy who sees me as a girl in a long time. Then I browsed this rent-a-boyfriend, saw the reviews and videos about this boyfriend.”

Agi then rented a boyfriend for three hours for approximately Rp300,000. They met for a meal. Initially, Agi felt that her rent boyfriend was very gentle, because he was willing to carry her things. He acted like a real boyfriend.

“But when we were talking, I thought this rental boyfriend would only listen to me talking, but no. He also talked a lot about the reasons why he was willing to take part in this kind of service. Well, it's not bad for those of us who need someone to talk to, for lonely people," Agi said.

However, is it true that by using this love service, we can deal with our loneliness?

Apparently not, because the nature of this service is temporary. Unless one wants to be a regular, but of course the cost will be high.

Psychologist Pingkan Cynthia Belinda Rumondor, S.Psi, M.Psi explained that loneliness is actually a mindset where a person feels that there is no one who wants to listen to them or be there for them. "Actually, loneliness is a mindset that there is no one who can be their friend," she said.

The mindset of not having any friend, relative and family who loves them makes one feel lonely. These lonely people are usually afraid to burden others if they want to tell their stories.

In the case of the love service business, Pingkan happens to have a case study from her students about the phenomenon of rent-a-partner which only provides dating services, not for the needs of intimate love like physical touch, sex, or cuddling.

"So I base it on the results of my students’ studies. Many use this service because they feel lonely, that's one thing. Second, they want intimacy but avoid long-term relationships. Rent is only temporary, while a commitment must be maintained," she explained.

Having a rent boyfriend/girlfriend makes people who used to feel lonely have a friend to talk to and share their stories. For those who avoid relationships, renting a partner is a shortcut to get momentary intimacy.

But of course, the need for love cannot be fulfilled just by using this love service. This is why people still feel lonely even though they have hired these services.

Pingkan said if loneliness is the reason to use a love service, it's better for customers to first realise that they are lonely.

"The thought that no one loves them, if allowed to drag on, will make them eventually withdraw from society and could develop depression. In fact, if we reflect, we will find that there must be people who have loved us, be it parents, for example, family members who have passed away, friends," she explained.

But unfortunately, when people experience chronic loneliness, they begin to withdraw and examine people who are close to them or usually isolate themselves. Therefore, Pingkan suggested that one first be aware of the feeling of loneliness, then start to open up.

“Start by accepting a get-together invitation. Meet an old friend, for example. It can alleviate the feeling of loneliness. Precisely when they feel lonely they should get closer, even though some people have experienced being deceived, experiencing violence, they will have problems trusting new people. Feeling insecure, so only trusting oneself," she said.

If one grew up with violence, of course the trust issue that they have becomes an obstacle to having a relationship. This is what shapes the attachment style into avoidance, because they avoid intimacy. Because of that, usually people with this attachment style are suitable for this rent-a-partner service.

However, renting a boyfriend/girlfriend is not a solution to what we are experiencing. Especially if it's only for a moment. So it's better to first realise our emotional needs and feelings, then look for other options to deal with loneliness.

We can start with loving ourselves so that we can feel real love. After that, start to meet friends, both in the community or old circle. Realise that there are people around us who want to care about and love us. Happy Single Awareness Day!